Beta

Jan. 5th, 2009 01:35 am
notevery: (Default)
[personal profile] notevery
 Does anyone feel like beta reading a fic for me?  It's a filthy piece of Tosh/Andy pr0n that jumped on me out of the blue.  More het for Torchwood, pls!

I think my grammar and spelling are usually pretty solid, so the areas I'm most looking for help with would be:
  • Andy's voice/consistent viewpoint
  • momentum
And, uhm, whether it's hot or not.  Because it sure is meant to be.

As I said it's Tosh/Andy, totally PWP, slightly AU (it's hard to make PWP canon in this scenario), and is basically one giant scene of a sexual nature with very slight d/s themes.  Once I've finished doing my rough-draft readover I think it'll stand at about 4,000 words.

There is Andy.  On his knees.  In the kitchen.  That was enough to sway me over to the dark side, at least.

Teaser snippet under the cut.  Adult-tastic and with a totally gratuitous use of science and popular culture.  (Oh dear.)

*

Andy makes a desperate noise and frankly he doesn't give a fuck how it sounds: he leans forward, closing his eyes and pressing his face into her crotch, kissing at the damp spot, running his tongue over the cotton.  The taste of her is thick and full and he's like Pavlov's bloody dog (and that absurd Wheatus line goes through his head, and yes, she does ring his bell), except it's precome rather than saliva, and he doesn't have to see the front of his boxers to know that he's as wet as her.  He can't suppress a little hungry sound, leaning forward until his chest presses against the vicious line of the chair and his jaw is painful on the seat below her but he doesn't give a shit, really.

“Wait,” Tosh gasps, and he's never wanted to take her apart more.  Her fingers are down by his face and he leans back obediently just far enough, pressing kisses to them, licking 'til the sharp little lines of her nails catch at his tongue and she bats him away with a moan.  “No, Andy, wait--”

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